Number 12: The Importance of Being Bearded

I am continually amazed at the incredible impact which untamed facial hair has had on the history of great things. Something special, it seems, happens when a man's face falls out of familiarity with the blade and is allowed to express its full potential. Indeed, all men's faces were naked once, but some put down the razor and let the greatness grow. You show me a man with an exposed face and I will show you a man with a beard who is destined to change history.

Fact: Beards matter.

Ironically enough, Oscar Wilde, whose play (The Importance of Being Earnest) inspired my exceedingly witty title, did not have a beard. But here are some men who did. They simply would not shave...and thank God.

Note: This is not an exhaustive list. There are many bearded men who will unfortunately be left off this list.

Walt Whitman

For me, when it comes to beards, it all starts with Walt Whitman. I imagine him plucking "Leaves of Grass" from somewhere deep in his facial adornment and laying it on paper. Had he shaved, we may be without some of the greatest poetry our country has ever produced.

Alan Moore

This is the beard that birthed Watchmen, V for Vendetta and The Killing Joke (the comic work to which The Dark Knight and Heath Ledger's portrayal of the Joker is indebted). If you had that kind of genius growing out of your face, would you shave?

Ray LaMontagne

If you listen to Ray then you don't need my explanation. If you don't, look at the beard, look up the tunes and get LaMontagne'd.

Sam Beam

Living proof that all you really need is a beard and a guitar. I suppose being one of the best singer/songwriters of a generation helps too. But...look at the beard. Lyrics as beautiful as Beam's could only be properly sung from a mouth surrounded by such art.

Abraham Lincoln

Go ahead, argue with this one. Please.

Kimbo Slice

Is anyone really surprised that this guy takes part in what amounts to officiated street fighting? Without the beard, you could beat him up.

Karl Marx

Karl Marx has enough beard to go around. (No I'm not a communist...well...not I'm not)

Frederick Douglass

An abolitionist, a womens suffragist and general supporter of equal rights. Lots of people should be grateful for this beard.

Some Guy

I don't know who this guy is, but I sincerely think that the world is a better place because of his beard. The guy has 4 smiles going on there. That is happiness that only an untamed face can bring.

Notable Bearded Men Who Are Not Picture Here:
Jesus Christ
Henry David Thoreau
Ryan Campagna
My Grandfather

Men Who Have Either Chosen Not To Or Are Unable To Grow A Beard But Are Still Significant And Deserve Mention:
J.D. Salinger
Brad Pitt (Though he has shown he is capable)
Jason Hermansdorfer

Number 11: Grammys

Heres what I'm rooting for

Album of the Year
In Rainbows - Radiohead

Best Male Pop Vocal Performance
Say - John Mayer

Best Solo Rock Vocal Performance
Gravity - John Mayer

Best Rock Performance By A Duo Or Group With Vocals
House of Cards - Radiohead

Best Rock Song
House of Cards - Radiohead

Best Alternative Music Album
Narrow Stairs - Death Cab for Cutie (I'd like Radiohead to win everything they're nominated for, but if Death Cab could take this one and Radiohead could take album of the year I'd be pleased. Beck's album was great as well and I've heard good things about My Morning Jacket although I haven't heard the album.)

Best Rap Solo Performance
Lupe Fiasco - Paris, Tokyo (You can't really root against Jay though so if he wins thats cool with me.)

Best Rap/Sung Collaboration
Superstar - Lupe Fiasco

Best Rap Song
Superstar - Lupe Fiasco (I'd be shocked if Swagga Like Us doesn't clean up though)

Best Rap Album
The Cool - Lupe Fiasco

Best Spoken Word Album
Born Standing Up - Steve Martin

Best Score Soundtrack Album For Motion Picture, Television, Etc.
The Dark Knight or There Will Be Blood

Best Song Written For Motion Picture, Television, Etc.
Say - John Mayer

Best Long Form Music Video
Where The Light Is - Live in Los Angeles (John Mayer)

• Ryan Seacrest is the most awkward interviewer on television.
• Dave Grohl playing with Paul McCartney might cause the power to go out from the amount of sheer musical power on stage at one time.
• Blink 182 reunion please...
• If you kept count, I really only want 4 or 5 different people to win anything. This will surely not happen. I know...it's a bummer.
  

Number 10: Henry

Henry is a man I have met many times now.

He has been a preacher for 61 years. He was called to preach when he was 17 years old. You see, his pastor came up to him when he was just 16 and said, "Henry, I want you to get up and preach" and Henry said, "Well pastor I don't know if I can do that" and then his pastor said, "I know you can." A year later God called him to be a preacher.

He attended Howard College, which is now Samford University, and then New Orleans Baptist Theological Seminary. More than a half-century later, he is still preaching. On Wednesday nights and he figures it is going alright because "no one has run out screaming yet".

That is Henry. Every time you meet Henry, you hear that story. Because that is Henry. There is no Henry apart from that.

Henry remembers that I go to Auburn and that I have a tendency of walking through the front door of the retirement home he lives in on Monday nights. Apart from that I can only say for certain that Henry remembers one other thing. That he is a preacher and has been for 61 years. That he was asked to preach at 16 and called by God to preach at 17. That he attended Howard College, which is now Samford University, and then New Orleans Baptist Theological Seminary. And that he preaches every Wednesday night for anyone who wants to listen.

In light of this, I have to say that I don't think it is dementia or Alzheimer's which has caused the rest of Henry's life to fade. I think it is a return to what is most true about him. It is his redemption. He exists to preach. And as his life has gone on, it seems he has forgotten that he ever did anything else.

I imagine Henry at his birth. Always on his way to an unexpected sermon at 16. Always on his way to Howard College, which is now Samford University, and New Orleans Baptist Theological Seminary after that. Always on his way to a Wednesday night chapel service at a retirement home.

I see Henry now. He is a preacher. That is all I know about him. That is all he knows about him. That is him.

It is a beautiful thought to me that we might be so lucky as to live a long life and, at the end of it, only remember what is most true about us. I look forward to the day when all that is left of me is only that which matters most. I pray that in my later years, God might rid me of the memory of my foolish and selfish pursuits and leave me reciting the story of my purpose to anyone who says so much as hello to me.

Henry is a man I have met many times.

He is a preacher. He has been for 61 years now. He was called to preach when he was 17. He attended Howard College, which is now Samford University, and then New Orleans Baptist Theological Seminary. He preaches every Wednesday night for anyone who wants to listen. He figures it is going alright because "no one has run out screaming yet".

That is Henry.
That is all that is left and that is all that matters.

Number 9: Jackson Pollock (or how to use someone elses art to attract attention to your own incoherent ramblings)

It is Jackson Pollock's birthday today. He is an artist who evokes reactions ranging from "Phenomenal" to "My 5 year old could do that". I do like his work, particularly the bottom two pieces below. That being said, I know close to nothing about painting or any visual art really. Point is, what do you think about Jackson Pollock? Does it frustrate you that a google search of his name yields 1,450,000 results? Does his art move you? As you're reading this do you feel like you're being assigned an essay? Any response is a good one...(I was going to go into some long thing about how there is a connection between me saying that any response is a good one and my capacity to tolerate splattered paint on a canvas as art but I didn't think you'd find that interesting.)

Number 8: 3,000 Words, Plus A Few Of My Own

I am thankful for many things but will leave the introspective Thanksgiving blogging to others. Tomorrow is that special day of the year when I watch a Detroit Lions game from start to finish and love every minute of it. Happy Thanksgiving.


Support the economy, and Kanye's ego, and buy this album. I couldn't decide whether it was cooler to love this album or hate it for not being like Kanye's previous material, so I just decided to be real into it. I'm also very happy that I can now say I was a part of his victory over Guns N' Roses in first week sales. A loss for Axl Rose is a victory for society's collective ear. Thanks Yeezy.


This is Floyd. He is a vagabond. He is my friend. We communicate semi-frequently by email. I have been working on writing the story of our relationship and time together. I hope to share it soon. A woman took this picture of him playing guitar outside of a shop in North Carolina and he sent it to me today. I thought it was phenomenal. Perhaps you agree.


Here's to tryptophan naps and floating cartoon characters,

Steven

Number 7: A Letter

Dear Girls Who Wear UGG Boots, Particularly With Shorts,

I hope you know that it is with sincere concern and humility that I write to you. I am not a fashion expert. In fact, I am rather bad at dressing myself in things that are either seasonally appropriate or regionally fashionable. I am, however, hopelessly opinionated and so I felt it necessary to begin a dialogue, albeit one-sided, about this issue.

I think that your shorts defeat the purpose of your boots.

With all due respect and brotherly love,
Steven Hale

PS - I should note that I have not been to Alaska. If the Inuit people are not only sending us Vice Presidential candidates, but also setting fashion trends then I concede the above point and will probably go buy some UGG boots.

PPS - I should also note that my main problem with this trend is that if UGG boots are cool then I will probably have to go buy some as I continue in the pursuit of having friends.

PPPS - I realize that UGG boots have actually been out and in for sometime now. Consider this letter as not only a current statement of my opinion on them, but also a retroactive one.

Number 6: Looking for Scissors in the Silverware Drawer

I heard that about four people read these and to you I am sorry that it has been a while. I have had this illness called politics for a while now. It's symptoms are yelling at your TV, thinking you're right, and looking for hope in the wrong place. I feel better now though.

**********************************

I have this friend who has been telling me every time I see him for several weeks now that God thinks I'm awesome. Once I accept the possibility that God uses terms like 'awesome' it blows my mind. I never know how to respond except with a weak "God thinks you're awesome too". Hearing that just wrecks me for some reason and I guess part of me wants to just lighten the mood rather than deal with the weight of that statement.

I think its because most of the time I figure God thinks I'm awful.

The same friend told me that some smart people somewhere figured out that most people view themselves the way they think the most important person in their life views them. And so I guess if you walk around doubting God's love for you it will make it difficult to love yourself.

*******************************

You know the phrase "looking for love in all the wrong places"? It ends up in every other terrible country song.

I was thinking about looking for things in the wrong places the other day and I realized that there are two reasons why I look for things in the wrong place.

1. I don't know where said 'things' come from.
2. I have found said 'things' in the wrong place before.

This happens in my house all the time. I imagine that in your parents house, like mine, things have a certain place and you can usually count on them being there. However, in my house, maybe like yours, things have a certain place and you can usually count on them not being there. Several times a day I find myself looking for things in my house. A lot of times the scenario goes something like this; I know we have duct tape. I don't know where the duct tape belongs. I must check everywhere in the house. At other times the scenario goes a bit differently. Perhaps more like this; I know we have scissors. On Tuesday they were in the silverware drawer. I don't know if that is where they belong, but I'll check their first. Aha! The scissors are in the silverware drawer. I will put them back where I found them. The scissors now belong in the silverware drawer.

And the thing is scissors sort of resemble silverware. So it doesn't seem that weird.

I think that I tend to look for love, hope, peace, satisfaction, and fulfillment in the wrong place. Sometimes I think it is because I have forgotten where these things come from. So, naturally, I go looking for them throughout my day and often go to bed feeling empty. Other times I think that I go looking for these things in the places where I feel I have found them before. And the problem is that I may find them again, and they may resemble the love, hope, peace, satisfaction, and fulfillment that I desire, but until I acknowledge where they come from, where they belong, I don't think I will go to bed full.

I think that I doubt God's love sometimes because of this. I think that even if I feel love from my girlfriend, my friends, and my parents, I question it because I often fail to acknoweldge the source of love itself.

I think that when I don't understand that God does loves me I go looking for love and fulfillment somewhere else. And because I do not find in its fullest form I begin to view myself as unlovable and worthless.

God does love you.

The love you find in your life comes from and belongs to him.

The scissors do not belong in the silverware drawer.